Cooler Heads Prevail

This picture brings back memories... When I was in high school, I worked at a grocery store. During the summer months, the air conditioners had a hard time keeping up, and the store would get pretty warm. The warehouses weren't air conditioned at all. I would sometimes spend my breaks sitting in the ice freezer like this guy. I can't say I ever hugged a bag of ice like he's doing, but I definitely sat in there.

From Crappy to Happy in 1 Easy Step

Have you noticed the ridiculous number of how-to articles with a specified number of steps? "How to Find Love in 4 Simple Steps." "How to Replace a Faucet in 6 Easy Steps." "5 Steps to a Thinner You!"

Heck, there's even the Texas two step! Repeat steps 1 and 2 over and over, and you're considered a dancer!

There is a method to this madness. We, the readers, are naturally attracted to numbered steps. It makes difficult things sound simple. It makes the unachievable sound achievable. We're probably all suckers for it.

So, in the spirit of following a trend that has been proven to work, I offer up my first how-to list. If you're feeling crappy, and you want to feel happy, here's what you need to do:

Step 1: Follow your gut.

That's it. Seems simple enough, right?

The bad news, of course, is that it's not quite that simple. Why? Because we have the sometimes unfortunate condition of being human. We possess things like logic, and reason, and fear, and doubt. Properly utilized, these things serve as great tools. Improperly used, they become obstacles. We argue with ourselves about why our gut is wrong. And we're pretty good at it. The only problem is, our gut is often right! But we frequently miss out because we assume the "thinking" side of us knows better than the "feeling" side of us.

What is the point of all this? Pay more attention to your gut, your instinct, your intuition. It's very often correct. It's why you're told to go with your first response when taking a multiple-choice test. Going back and changing an answer is frequently the wrong thing to do. We start thinking about our answer, some doubt creeps in, and we convince ourselves that a different answer is actually the correct one.

So don't overanalyze. Learn to go with your gut. It's usually the right thing to do!

Start Here! An Introduction to this Blog...

After a trial run that ended several months ago, here we go again! Welcome to the little blog with the overly ambitious name: Life. Solved.

My name is Jason Adams. I am a licensed professional counselor in Keller, Texas. You can learn more about me and my counseling practice at www.JasonAdamsOnline.com.

Despite the title of this blog, I have not solved life. You're not about to read the recipe for a happy, problem-free life. What you will find here are bits and pieces to the puzzle. Perhaps, properly arranged, these pieces will help solve some of the challenges you face. If nothing else, perhaps you will find morsels of inspiration, motivation, and humor here.

If you're here searching for solutions to serious problems such as depression and anxiety, I encourage you to seek the assistance of a professional. Visit the Resources page on my website for links to resources nationwide.

Thank you for stopping by! I hope you'll come again!

I'll bet you a buck. A Star buck.

I'm a therapist, and that sometimes means listening to people confess things that are difficult for them to admit. Maybe you can identify. What is your deep, dark secret?

Here's one of mine: I frequent Starbucks. Okay, so maybe it's not that deep. It's usually dark, though. That's my favorite roast.

Anyway... I hate to admit that I am addicted to something I used to make fun of people for. But I am. Some marketing genius lured me in several years ago with a card entitling me to a free cup of coffee every Wednesday for about two months. That's all it took.

But this isn't a post about Starbucks. Well, it is. But it's more a post about a Starbucks card and a bizarre phenomenon that I do not understand. It becomes more and more perplexing as time goes by (and my caffeine tolerance goes up).

Here's the deal: I have a miniature Starbuck's card. A few years ago, Starbuck's offered gift cards that were a bit smaller than the traditional credit-card size. And they had a hole in the corner so you could put it on your key ring.

Genius, right? Well, no. It turns out the mini cards created a problem. Customers would go through the drive-through; and when they arrived at the window, awkwardness and inconvenience ensued. The customer would have to turn off their car and hand the "barista" (I can't believe I just typed that word) their entire key ring, card attached, to pay. So, as far as I know, Starbucks discontinued the mini card.

Fast-forward to now. I am apparently one of the few people left still carrying one of those cards. I've never attached it to my key ring because, well... that implies that I frequent Starbucks, which is not something I wish people to know about me. So, I carry that little card in my wallet.

The fascinating (to me) phenomenon that comes with carrying a mini Starbucks card is this: Almost without exception, when I hand that little card to a "barista" (I can't believe I just typed that word again) for the first time, they almost always comment on its size. "Oh, how cute!" Or, "Oh, it's so tiny." Or some other comment more appropriate for a puppy or newborn human than for a piece of plastic.

This phenomenon is, perhaps predictably, more common with female "baristas" (wow... a third time). But even a few "baristos" (guys) have made similar comments. It's rather bizarre, really. I mean, what part of our brain is responsible for such nonsense? And how far does this seemingly universal phenomenon go? Would someone who had only ever seen quarters comment on the cuteness of a dime? Would a pebble be a "cute mini boulder" to someone who had never seen one?

It's just plain weird. So weird that I've begun losing sleep over it. Or maybe that's the caffeine... I don't know. But either way, Starbucks is to blame.

Any ideas out there? I'm open to any theories you might have on this. Perhaps we could discuss it over a cup of coffee. And I'll bet you a buck that when we step up to the counter to purchase that coffee, the "barista" (I've lost count...) will say something along the lines of, "Oh, how cute!" And she (or he) won't be talking about you!

Mocking You Mocking Me

Recently, for several consecutive nights, a mockingbird found a comfortable spot in one of our trees and proceeded to serenade us.

All. Night. Long.

It was annoying, to say the least.  It certainly interrupted my family's sleep.

So, of course, I turned to Google for advice.  A quick search yielded results indicating this is not an uncommon problem.  "Great!" I thought.  A simple and harmless solution would soon be had!  But as I began reading, I discovered something surprising: The problem wasn't the bird; the problem was me!

Huh?

That's right.  Page after page; website after website, forum after forum, I was reading the same thing.  Someone would seek advice for the exact same problem I was experiencing, and they would be promptly and thoroughly beaten down by well-meaning (I suppose) individuals insisting that the bird was not the problem!

"Buy earplugs!"

"Sleep in a different room!"

"That mockingbird has every right to do whatever it wants to do!  How dare you suggest otherwise!"

"Learn to enjoy it!"

"Move!"

Now, some of you might be on the bird's side and in complete agreement with the pro-mockingbird statements above.  But others are thinking the same thing I was:  "Huh?"

Honestly, I still don't get it.  But doing what I do for a living, I contemplated the possibility of a lesson in all of this.  And here's what I realized:

I had a problem.  (Sleepless nights from a noisy bird.)  When I went looking for help, I found all kinds of people telling me I was mistaken and that I didn't have a problem.  Or, they told me that I was the problem.  Or, they offered all kinds of solutions that didn't help.

A lot of my clients have had the same experience.  Their problems are more serious than a noisy mockingbird.  And everywhere they've turned for help, they've been told they don't have a problem, or that they are the problem.

In my search for solutions to my noisy mockingbird, one of the most entertaining bits of advice I came across was a guy who suggested mocking the mockingbird.  He proposed sitting near the offending bird and mocking his every sound.  This would, supposedly, cause the male bird to feel threatened because it would conclude that the mocking human was trying to steal the bird's mate.  This, in turn, would cause the bird to move.

While the above solution sounds a bit flaky, it gives me an idea.  One of the most helpful things you can do for someone is meet them where they're at.  If someone tells you they're annoyed by a mockingbird, don't attack them for it.  Don't give them advice that ignores or belittles their stated problem.  Above all, be supportive.  If that means grabbing a lawn chair and joining someone in their yard to mock a mockingbird; then by all means, do it!  The way I see it, there are probably only two possible outcomes: Either the problem will be solved, or you will have an interesting memory to strengthen your bond with that friend or loved one.

Is someone telling you they have a problem?  Go mock a mockingbird!

Be A Good Friend

Sitting at my desk recently, I overheard an office assistant in another room having what sounded like a heated telephone conversation on speakerphone.  As I paid more attention, it became clear that the conversation was very one-sided.  It sounded something like this:

Automated voice (AV): "What would you like to do today?"

Office assistant (OA): "Make a payment."

AV: "I'm sorry.  I didn't understand that.  What would like to do today?"

OA: "MAKE A PAYMENT!"

AV: "Okay. You'd like to apply for a new account.  I can help with that.  What type of account would you like to apply for?"

OA: "NOOOO!!!  I WANT TO MAKE A PAYMENT!!!"

AV: "I'm sorry.  I didn't understand that.  What type of account would you like to apply for?"

OA: "I DON'T WANT TO APPLY FOR AN ACCOUNT!!!  I WANT TO PAY YOU!!!"

AV: "I'm sorry.  I didn't understand that.  Please hold while I connect you to a live representative for an additional charge."

As a therapist, sometimes I feel like the "representative" who is available for an extra charge.  So many of my clients come to me simply because they want someone to listen to them and care about what they have to say.  They are actually paying me to care.

That is a sad indication of the state of our interpersonal relationships.  As the listener, we are quick to judge, or ignore, or offer unhelpful advice.  As the speaker, we are often embarrassed or ashamed of our "problem."

The truth is, if there were more people out there being good friends and/or spouses, I might be out of a job.  So here's a challenge: Put me and my colleagues out of business. Be the kind of person who listens, empathizes, comforts, and refrains from judging. Be trustworthy and find satisfaction in knowing (not sharing) something that no one else may know, aside from the person who shared it with you.  Smile often, shake hands, hug.  Put simply: Be a good friend.

Crazy Good

Are you crazy?

As a licensed counselor working in the field of mental health, I am occasionally invited to participate in discussions involving the word crazy.  Some examples: "Isn't counseling for crazy people?"  Or, "How do you like working with crazy people?"

One of my initial responses is usually, "What's wrong with crazy?"

Seriously.

In my assessment of life, here's my conclusion: If there's not a little bit of crazy in you, you're missing out.

The word crazy is frequently used in both negative and positive ways.  We see a homeless man on the street mumbling about Jesus, salvation, and the weather, and we label him crazy.  On the other hand, we receive some exciting good news and happily proclaim, "That's crazy!"

Crazy can be good.  It can make you laugh, and it makes things interesting.  It's what makes things abnormal, in a good way.

If you're spending a lot of time depressed, struggling to laugh, or fighting off perpetual irritation, I suggest you evaluate the level and quality of crazy in your life.  If good crazy is lacking, do something to insert some (safely) into your life.

Then, the next time someone tells you you're crazy, thank them.  And mean it!