Mocking You Mocking Me

Recently, for several consecutive nights, a mockingbird found a comfortable spot in one of our trees and proceeded to serenade us.

All. Night. Long.

It was annoying, to say the least.  It certainly interrupted my family's sleep.

So, of course, I turned to Google for advice.  A quick search yielded results indicating this is not an uncommon problem.  "Great!" I thought.  A simple and harmless solution would soon be had!  But as I began reading, I discovered something surprising: The problem wasn't the bird; the problem was me!

Huh?

That's right.  Page after page; website after website, forum after forum, I was reading the same thing.  Someone would seek advice for the exact same problem I was experiencing, and they would be promptly and thoroughly beaten down by well-meaning (I suppose) individuals insisting that the bird was not the problem!

"Buy earplugs!"

"Sleep in a different room!"

"That mockingbird has every right to do whatever it wants to do!  How dare you suggest otherwise!"

"Learn to enjoy it!"

"Move!"

Now, some of you might be on the bird's side and in complete agreement with the pro-mockingbird statements above.  But others are thinking the same thing I was:  "Huh?"

Honestly, I still don't get it.  But doing what I do for a living, I contemplated the possibility of a lesson in all of this.  And here's what I realized:

I had a problem.  (Sleepless nights from a noisy bird.)  When I went looking for help, I found all kinds of people telling me I was mistaken and that I didn't have a problem.  Or, they told me that I was the problem.  Or, they offered all kinds of solutions that didn't help.

A lot of my clients have had the same experience.  Their problems are more serious than a noisy mockingbird.  And everywhere they've turned for help, they've been told they don't have a problem, or that they are the problem.

In my search for solutions to my noisy mockingbird, one of the most entertaining bits of advice I came across was a guy who suggested mocking the mockingbird.  He proposed sitting near the offending bird and mocking his every sound.  This would, supposedly, cause the male bird to feel threatened because it would conclude that the mocking human was trying to steal the bird's mate.  This, in turn, would cause the bird to move.

While the above solution sounds a bit flaky, it gives me an idea.  One of the most helpful things you can do for someone is meet them where they're at.  If someone tells you they're annoyed by a mockingbird, don't attack them for it.  Don't give them advice that ignores or belittles their stated problem.  Above all, be supportive.  If that means grabbing a lawn chair and joining someone in their yard to mock a mockingbird; then by all means, do it!  The way I see it, there are probably only two possible outcomes: Either the problem will be solved, or you will have an interesting memory to strengthen your bond with that friend or loved one.

Is someone telling you they have a problem?  Go mock a mockingbird!

Bark Bigger than a Bite

What would you do?

Be Someone

Music for Your Memorial Day Weekend

In memory of, and gratitude to, all who have given the ultimate sacrifice...

To protect the freedom of all who are born in the USA...

And all who choose to become citizens.

Be A Good Friend

Sitting at my desk recently, I overheard an office assistant in another room having what sounded like a heated telephone conversation on speakerphone.  As I paid more attention, it became clear that the conversation was very one-sided.  It sounded something like this:

Automated voice (AV): "What would you like to do today?"

Office assistant (OA): "Make a payment."

AV: "I'm sorry.  I didn't understand that.  What would like to do today?"

OA: "MAKE A PAYMENT!"

AV: "Okay. You'd like to apply for a new account.  I can help with that.  What type of account would you like to apply for?"

OA: "NOOOO!!!  I WANT TO MAKE A PAYMENT!!!"

AV: "I'm sorry.  I didn't understand that.  What type of account would you like to apply for?"

OA: "I DON'T WANT TO APPLY FOR AN ACCOUNT!!!  I WANT TO PAY YOU!!!"

AV: "I'm sorry.  I didn't understand that.  Please hold while I connect you to a live representative for an additional charge."

As a therapist, sometimes I feel like the "representative" who is available for an extra charge.  So many of my clients come to me simply because they want someone to listen to them and care about what they have to say.  They are actually paying me to care.

That is a sad indication of the state of our interpersonal relationships.  As the listener, we are quick to judge, or ignore, or offer unhelpful advice.  As the speaker, we are often embarrassed or ashamed of our "problem."

The truth is, if there were more people out there being good friends and/or spouses, I might be out of a job.  So here's a challenge: Put me and my colleagues out of business. Be the kind of person who listens, empathizes, comforts, and refrains from judging. Be trustworthy and find satisfaction in knowing (not sharing) something that no one else may know, aside from the person who shared it with you.  Smile often, shake hands, hug.  Put simply: Be a good friend.

Think inside the box... or the ball pit.

Peace in the Storm

Don't make it harder than it is...

Here's a video of an FBI agent doing what we've all done: Making something harder than it really is.

Lesson: Life has enough challenges. Don't make it more difficult.

Night Light

Music for Your Weekend

Many of my clients reach the point of seeking counseling because they've closed their eyes to the real problem. While closing our eyes in certain situations is a necessary act of self-preservation, keeping them closed can be a problem.  When you're able, be honest with yourself... and keep your eyes open.

Crazy Good

Are you crazy?

As a licensed counselor working in the field of mental health, I am occasionally invited to participate in discussions involving the word crazy.  Some examples: "Isn't counseling for crazy people?"  Or, "How do you like working with crazy people?"

One of my initial responses is usually, "What's wrong with crazy?"

Seriously.

In my assessment of life, here's my conclusion: If there's not a little bit of crazy in you, you're missing out.

The word crazy is frequently used in both negative and positive ways.  We see a homeless man on the street mumbling about Jesus, salvation, and the weather, and we label him crazy.  On the other hand, we receive some exciting good news and happily proclaim, "That's crazy!"

Crazy can be good.  It can make you laugh, and it makes things interesting.  It's what makes things abnormal, in a good way.

If you're spending a lot of time depressed, struggling to laugh, or fighting off perpetual irritation, I suggest you evaluate the level and quality of crazy in your life.  If good crazy is lacking, do something to insert some (safely) into your life.

Then, the next time someone tells you you're crazy, thank them.  And mean it!

Life Ethics

Uncertain? Great!

Life is Sweet

Creating Confidence

Here's a different take on body language: Your body language doesn't state who you are. In fact, your body language (i.e. posture) can be manipulated to help you become who you want to be!

Mother's Day

A mother's worth can be measured by her use of resources...

Time, money, opportunities.

My wife manages to accomplish much with little.

And my children are blessed.

Happy Mother's Day!

A Message for Moms

Happiness and Freedom

Step one.